Methinks the latest generation of thieves, thugs, swindlers, and overall bad guys are not cut from as sturdy a cloth as in the past; nor do they appear to be the sharpest knives in the drawer, nor are they the brightest lights in the chandelier. Or perhaps my local newspaper, the beloved Staten Island Advance, is just having too much fun reporting on the crazy shenanigans of various nefarious yokels between its pages.
In this past Monday's paper, a man left the scene of an auto accident because he claimed he did not want to listen to his girlfriend yelling at him...Oh, if that would only be the most important thing he has to worry about! Perhaps he could ask her to call him an attorney. I think he is gong to need one....rather quickly.
And how about the shoplifting duo from Oregon who, after crossing state lines to commit petty larceny in Idaho, jumped into their car and drove around and around the parking lot. The cops simply put down some spiked strip tape which the intrepid crooks ran over multiple times resulting in several flat tires, and an easy collar for the local police force. Perhaps next time they will choose a shopping center closer to home; one whose parking lot they might have been in a few times before they attempt another heist.
In today's paper, there was the story of a local boy who in attempting to steal $23 from an outdoor poor box at a local church, was spotted by a cop on patrol who arrested him for possession of burglary tools: in particular, a couple of sticks he taped together to shove into the box to pry it open, and false personation because he gave them someone else's name as his. Once they looked at his driver's license photo, which was in his wallet, they figured out who he was; and now this bright light is on his way to the pokey.
In Texas a drunk broke into a meat packing plant, stole and ate some sausage, grabbed someone's coat, went into the back office and fell asleep. The cops woke him up the next morning to arrest him for criminal trespassing. His excuse? He drank too much last night...ya think?
And finally, a registered sex offender, who was a student at my old Intermediate School, hit a cop in the face with a credit card scanner and then attempted to grab the gun of said police officer's partner in order to escape an attempted shoplifting arrest. Now, I do know that one thing a thinking criminal should NOT do is go for a police officer's gun. That is one way to insure that you wind up in a very unhappy place. Said suspect's explanation for his bad behavior had to do with the fact that he was on probation and didn't want to get in any more trouble. I think he now has more trouble than he bargained for. After attempting to take a gun from an officer of the court, he is facing several felony and misdemeanor counts and is being held on bond...seems none of his "peeps" stepped up to put up his $5,000 bail.
Perhaps the level of incompetence in the criminal class is yet another societal ill to lay at the feet of the educational community? I think not. Bumbling criminals, whose attempts at various forms of illegal activity make us shake our heads, are the result of their own actions and their own stupidity.
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