November begins the wild and crazy holiday season in these parts. In my case, it begins on November 10th, the birthday of my second child and segues through my daughter-in-law's thirtieth birthday, the anniversary of my husband's death, what would have been my 43rd wedding anniversary, Advent, Holly Ball, TLC Christmas party, Wagner College Choir Concert, Gay Men's Chorus Concert, Christmas Pageant, Radio City and Rockettes, Christmas Eve lunch at Soup Kitchen, then dual Christmas Eve services with steel drummers, children's choir, and ukulele group ( yes, kids and ukes) ,Christmas Day somewhere, eldest child's fortieth birthday on Christmas, two other cousins with birthdays on that say, then Boxing Day, New Year's Eve and Day and finally, Twelfth Night/ Epiphany/Three Kings Day. I think that is the complete list, but you also need to add Physical Therapy twice a week, gym five days a week, filing papers for the final discretionary funds and reviewing grant opportunities for the upcoming year. And I am in what some call "retirement".
Someone recently emailed asking if I could give them a December date for a phone conference. I replied, "NO", and I mean it emphatically. For those of us who are ordained folk in any church, this time of year is second only to Easter week. That, of course, is a the major feast in the Christian tradition, but popular culture has caused this time of year to stretch both religious and secular society to its farthest limits. Too many gifts to wrap, too many invitations to respond to, too many holiday traps to skirt around, too many people to attend to, visit, placate and disappoint in the few short weeks of this manic season, these demands on time and talent can bring each one of us to our own personal breaking point.
And then there are those for whom this time of year brings back bad memories and despair. Folks whose childhood memories of the holidays bring with them personal nightmares that were more real than any of us can fathom. There are others who have lost so many loved ones that they are often the only ones left of their immediate and often extended families. For these folks this is a most difficult time of year.
So, as a community of spiritual support what do we do? And as an individual, what can you do? I am not quite sure. I think we, as individuals, need to take time out of every day to sit in some sort of silence and mediate on these things in our hearts. Oh, I could say invite someone who you know is alone to your celebrations; buy or provide gifts for the homeless or those in need, but many of these things are done to "give back" ( don't get me started on that phrase) or to make the giver feel good. This is what those of us in the religious/social service sector call "Toxic Charity".
Last week at the Soup Kitchen where we normally have about 15 volunteers cook and serve lunch we had 35 people show up to prepare and serve lunch. Next week we'll be back to our regular number. These "holiday helpers" come with their own expectations about how they are interacting with those they perceive as the "deserving poor". They often unintentionally "muck up the works" with knee-jerk reactions to our cadre of regular guests who have been known to basically "play them" to game the system. I have had holiday volunteers give money and metro cards to guests; wrap up extra food and dole it out to people they have just met and who have given them a very sad story, and in extreme cases, have had newbies give out their phone numbers to folks they have just met in case they needed any thing else.
Every week we deal with whomever the Lord sends us to feed, no questions asked. What does that mean to those who come once or twice a year to help out? I am not sure; do they even think about the needs of others the rest of the year? This is something I struggle with mightily during this time of year. Prayer helps, but the doubts still rise. February can't come fast enough for me.
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