Seniorsplaining

The phenomena known as "mansplaining" received this odd nomenclature from women who were just plain tired of and disgusted with those men, in their personal, social or professional life, who insistently feel the need to overly explain, incessantly repeat, or otherwise attempt to "dumb down" what these men think are ideas and concepts that women have difficulty understanding.  And I can attest to the fact that often men I have worked with were constantly interrupting, talking over and condescendingly over explaining things to women who are perfectly capable of communicating with these numbskulls, if they would only just shut the (beep) up!

I cannot tell you the number of times at staff or faculty meetings, I have had to listen to one of these guys pontificating on and on about stuff I already knew and needed no further explanating. I can remember many a union  gathering where a chorus of women were yelling, "Just call the question!" when one of these long winded bags of masculine hot air attempted to review and lecture the rest of the room...usually interrupting one or another female, along the way.

These habits are more than annoying, and I am glad we have a word that identifies this problem. Now, as I have been residing in the happy contentment of retirement, these is yet another issue that is raising the hackles on the back of my neck. I call it "seniorsplaining".

"Seniorsplaining", and it is a word of my own invention, so I get to define it as I see fit, is the elaborate process of younger, non-retired service workers to literally raise their voice level, slow down their speech and talk to anyone who has grey hair as if they were instructing a five year old in how to button their coat. Slow, loud, and distinctly condescending are the three descriptions of this speech pattern that I have encountered in retail venues, restaurants, doctor's offices and  especially The Apple Store.

On a recent visit to a doctor's office, before the exam began, I indicated that I would be sitting on the chair the technician had just vacated so I could remove my shoes.

"Just be careful", she said , "It has wheels, and we don't want you to fall, now, would we?"
No S--t, Sherlock! I thought to myself. It is amazing that I am allowed to drive a car with four wheels and push the shopping cart around the local grocery unassisted!

At a local restaurant, one I will NOT be patronizing anymore, a young waitress asked if I wanted the menu with the large print,"Many of our older customers have trouble reading the regular menu", she said to me. Guess what, sweetie, that is why I am wearing glasses, just like you, in case you did not notice.  What do you use yours for?

On a recent trip to National Parks in British Columbia, the group I was with...three other retired people, stopped in a small town to eat a quick lunch. Now this was huckleberry country and ever since I was a kid, I loved huckleberry pie, and was looking forward to getting a slice if one was available.  There was a sign on the wall. "Ask if you don't see what you want."
 So I asked the waitress, "Do you have any huckleberry pie?"
 Her response was,"We have apple, peach and cherry pie."
"That's nice, but that is not what I asked you", was my reply.
She then repeated again a bit louder and rather curtly, "We have apple, peach and cherry."
"A simple yes or no is what I expected, do you have any huckleberry pie?" I asked again.
"No," she replied.
"Okay, I will skip dessert", I said.  She was visibly annoyed, but had not listened to my request.

But the prize for the most annoying "seniorsplainers" goes to the young, hip, tech savvy staff of The Apple Store. These employees of the most influential technology enterprise are the most annoying "seniorsplainers" of all. I gird my loins every time I have to go into an Apple Store, and I often leave in a more frustrated and angry state then when I enter.

When I finally had to replace my I-Phone, and yes, I had the original I-Phone ( I still have it and it is in pristine condition); I became the object of intense curiosity among the staff who all asked to see it, touch it and made what they considered quite humorous comments about how nice it looked and how come it took me so long to get a new one.Well, basically , it worked pretty well until I began to use it to do more than make a phone call. I was not happy about how I was treated as if I were a dinosaur and found their delight at handling this "fossil" of a phone rather juvenile.

I had decided with the assistance of my daughter, on which phone I wanted. I told the young man helping me and he said, "Oh, you do not want that one.  It is too complicated for people your age."
Hey, sonny boy, I graduated from college and have two Masters' degrees. I think I can figure out how to use this phone; it comes with an instruction booklet? I think I can handle this.

After a recent trip, I reluctantly went to the Apple Store near me with a very specific request.  I wanted to transfer photos from my I-Phone to a small disk so I could free up some space on my phone. This became a three person discussion on what they thought I wanted to do. They then tried to sell me an accessory they thought I wanted, I actually already had this same one, and it was not able to do what they thought it would.

" I know people your age can't understand this technology; you think it is hard, so I am here to  do this, so you don't have to!" one of the young men said to me.  I said, " Well, thank you. My hair may be grey, but I still have a functioning brain." I then left the store and have not been back.

My suggestion for the technicians, waitresses, and Apple employees is this, people my age, those with grey hair and glasses, do not want to be talked down to, nor do we want to be patronized.  Remember, one day you will be where we are today, and what goes around, comes around. We are your future.